creepy.

http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Zodiac_Killer_letters

It's a year

I was never very fond of calendars. They order you, as if they were superior. They tell you when the fall begins and when the year ends.
Fall never really starts with the calendar.
And for each one of us, the year ends at a different time. Just think about it. When does your year end?
Mine ended just now. A year from the first post here. A year from the first thing I've written. 

I remember it. I felt strange. It was peculiar. I sobered up after a week of being constantly drunk and I was trying to pull my shit together.

Philosophy says that beauty loses its wonder when it's repeated.
I have no worries though; beauty can never be exhausted.
We don't create. We have never created anything. Big Bang created everything. Or god did - whatever floats your boat. Humans are given the power to rearrange what there already is
To give it a meaning.

What represents this more than writing?

There are two things one does when being confronted with extreme uneasiness of being. If one goes through an existential crisis they're almost sure to fall into one of these categories: either they start to appreciate the wonderfulness of being with all its small components or they isolate themselves from feelings and sensations higher than they themselves are.
I never did go through a crisis and all the troubles I had I caused myself. But I want to fall into the first category nevertheless.
Aesthetics is important.
Aesthetic means pretty.
Meaning is more important.
Meaning means beautiful.

Let’s face one thing; we will never find the Truth.
But we’re getting closer and closer every generation.
Plato had a huge obstacle in finding the Truth because he lived before Newton. He had more to discover than to learn.
To be honest, though, I like it that way. It feels strange to know that someone, somewhere, before myself, must have had the same thoughts like I do. They probably wrote them down too. Maybe I should just read more instead of writing. But why would I do that? I’m enjoying myself far too much.

So there I go, towards another year. Let’s try to live up to this one. It’s gonna be a challenge but, oh boy, don’t I love these!

Ideal state

I have posted quite a bit of stuff about politics here, but nothing this exhausting so far. This is my project on Ideal State. At first I started writing it to publish here and then, purely coincidentally, I got the very same thing assigned for my philosophy class.
So here I present you a summary of all my political views - government, social policies, economy.

Comments appreciated.
please, please, if you read this, react. Let me know what you think

This is the link to the document:

Ideal State paper *click here*

It's the least we could do.

Loving lights.

I feel like the last bit of coal of a campfire. Still warm, but growing colder every second. I wish someone would throw some more material for me to burn through. Please cover me with leaves. My flame would rise up and shine bright once again, ever so passionately. But I'm probably finished now.

Perhaps I'm only the light at the end of a cigarette in a middle of the night, only flickering. And you don't know if you should put me out already or take one more puff.

The Loner said that people are full of lights. For every person that loves you there is one light shining inside of you. Maybe what I feel is just one of these lights inside of me, slowly fading away.

I don't even fucking know whether the light ever shined brightly. Maybe it was always just smoking a bit and flickering.

400

This is the post number 400.
And it's not even a year yet since I started with this blog.
It makes me want to come back to what happened since.
And there's certainly a lot of it.

We, as human beings, undergo constant change. How significant change it is is determined by how much we open ourselves to what we see around ourselves.
If there's something I really take pride in, it would be that I understand what must be done to truly open yourself towards your environment. It's not just listening. It's also thinking. Interpreting. Searching for causes and correlations.
A lot of people are not capable of doing that. Therefore they are what we call "ignorant".

Speaking of which, I argued with someone about success today. She said success is always desirable.
I replied with a story I know - my father's friend became a finance director in a Hong Kong branch of a certain American corporation. Huge success, right? But what did she get from it? Unhappiness. I cam see that living in Hong Kong is simply not good for her - we've visited her this summer.
See, problem about success is that it is misleading. It only counts with the possibility of a person knowing the best what's good for them. To have success you must first establish a goal. Setting up a goal for yourself is like creating an artificial dream. It just doesn't work - and if it does, it may get very scary.

I don't have a problem with this entire notion of "success being always desirable" though. What troubles me and makes my blood boil is, that this is one of the opinion that deny others' of their right to have a different opinion. Do not tell me that I should desire success. There are things more important to me and I have my reasons; go and be successful yourself. I pursue different achievements. Like experience, love (and by that I mean loving. There's nothing one can do to be truly loved. Being loved is a gift. Do not ask for gifts.), or finding the purpose. I consider those more important than some sort of pesky "success".

I also talked to a person that I honestly find fascinating. An Afghani boy who made it to America. Just imagine - being only 17 and already having lived in a refugee camp, having the memory of staring down into a barrel of a gun pointed at you, running away from death. I think this makes you a real person more than anything else does. We talked about happiness. He says his family was much happier in Afghanistan, when having food and drink was enough to make a man happy. In US...finding happiness is complicated.

Maybe that's the thing about happiness. It is one of the simplest emotions. Just searching for it is complex. But you can't find happiness on your own. Happiness is a gift. You can't ask for a gift.

Look at this graph. Psychology says those are all of our emotions. Where's happiness?

...sapias; vina liques et spatio brevi

spem longam reseces. dum loquimur, fugerit invida
aetas: carpe diem quam minimum credula postero...

The world is not a brothel for your emotions.
-Arthur Koestler

I think just the very opposite.
I don't want to seem arrogant, but what else would my world be than a brothel for my emotions?

...emotions are the only thing we can truly feel after all...