Quite like a sir, yes.

Since always, I never stayed at one hobby for long.
It gave me various experience.
But I kept telling myself: do I really not have a talent for anything at all?

And only recently I realized it just doesn't work that way.
You need to find your thing.
Everyone has their thing
That thing, they're good at.

Most of us never find out.
You could be a great singer. Or writer. Or baseball player.
But very likely you'll never know.

Yet, it does feel quite comfortable to know you could be good, right?

We all can be creative.
If we manage to take over the boundaries.
There are more boundaries than anyone knows.
Of logic. Of money. Of society.
And of morality. But I wouldn't cross these if not necessary.

I don't know if these two things are connected; they probably are, but,
since I started writing here, not only I started much more to think about life,
I also got better at many things. Like expressing myself.
Arguing and presenting my arguments.
And at last, but not least, being just damn creative.
I wrote this whole thing as fast as I can type. You know what I mean now? (That doesn't make it any less worth, though).

The "five more minutes" syndrome

You know you'll be tired tomorrow morning.
And you also know you won't have time to sleep anytime soon.
So you should use the time you have know.

Why don't you?
Why don't I?

I don't know. The night is too beautiful to sleep through it.
It shouldn't be wasted.

It's much better than day.
It may be depressive a little, yes, but still...

Scientists say that without the sunlight, we'd be emotionally very depressed and confused.
Well I know I wouldn't.
I'd be happier.
I might get sick if not having enough sunlight.
But I'll stay the way I am.
Or maybe, I'd be happier.

Happier? Me? Utopia.
Never thought about being happier.
It's interesting concept.
For once, be happy for myself.
If I can't make others happy, at least I should try to make myself happy, right?
No.
There is no happier me.
My life is great.
Or am I only telling myself that?
Well, I don't know.


When I read a review for Lana's new album recently, the reviewer said the lyrics were stupid, because she says her life was tough and it couldn't have been, because she has rich and caring father.

What the fuck?

Since when exactly does rich father equal to happiness?
If the kid is smart, and I believe Lana is,
It's exactly the other way.
Dumb kids with rich fathers turn to arrogant little brats. No doubt 'bout that.
But being rich makes your life a little on the edge. The people you know, that destroys you.
If you have your own opinion, you get hurt in a very refined way.
Having your own opinion is painful, after all.
And yet, I believe, worth all the trouble.

Them wheels keep spinning.

I gotta keep them spinning.
I gotta do a whole lotta things.
I just have to keep myself running.
And start running at first.

Reality is no fun.
But fun wouldn't be fun without it.

Dark Paradise

You know what Dark paradise is?

This sentence describes it most genuinely:
"I don't wanna wake up from this dream tonight."

But now don't get confused; it's not a beautiful dream.
It's a sheltering one.
It's a piece of serenity and tranquility before the storm.
It's when you've fucked up and will face the consequences.
It's when you know you can't fix everything.
In fact, you can't fix even your own shit.
But still; you must never stop caring,
you must go on.


I wanted to blog all day today.
But it hurts.

Shame

Running down the street,
the lurking black blob of shame,
its face makes it hard to run,
so it catches me.

I couldn't have hoped to run forever,
All I can do now is to regret.
The room is dark,
only a yellow butterfly staring from the wall.

It stares with disdain,
ashamed to be on my wall.
I cannot blame him for that.
I blame myself too, as I should.

I should have worked,
I promised myself to.
But I have failed to fullfill,
though all is not lost yet.

Shame
it and only,
exclusively,
lives on.

Guilt

Failing is one of the most difficult things.

I know I'm not always saint, but I've always tried to do one thing; to help rather than to hurt.
There is this piece of conscience hidden somewhere, that tells me I haven't been so good at doing that lately.

And what hurts me most is, my actions render me useless piece of shit.
I can think, or say, what I want, but I get feeling I don't deserve to be heard.

Am I really complaining just know?
How stupid of me.
People are supposed to complain about me, after all, it's me who fucked up today.

It's Lantastic, really!

I just got my hands on Lana Del Rey's new album.
It's friggin' awesome.
"Darling, darling, doesn't have a problem, lying to herself, 'cause her liquor's top shelf"

Maybe too pop and less what she calls "sad-core", though. Man, I loved the first album (yes, the never released one, you can get anything on internet if you know where to look) even though all the songs sounded the same.

Now, it's not any less great and each of the songs is unique.
And in deluxe edition is 9 new tracks.