Alan Wake blew my mind.

This thing stroke me down when I didn't expect that.

I thought I'll look into it, but I hadn't expected much. A PC port of some 2 years old Xbox game, whatever, they say it was quite good, why not?

In the end, I spent whole last weekend and today trying to finish off this darling.
And I am amazed.

Most of the gamers play games purely because of the enjoyment of the gameplay itself. But shooting people might tend to bore a seasoned player I consider myself.
And so, quite a long while ago actually, I started to try to focus on the storytelling. Because gaming, I believe is the ultimate storytelling medium. Things can come alive, you get sucked directly into whatever's happening. You don't just dream a world like with books, you don't just look at it either, like in movies. You can manipulate it. And that feels powerful.

Shamefully, gaming is as well the youngest genre of entertainment industry and so it's the least evolved, mature. It's not so startling to say, that game script writers haven't learned how to do their job yet. Everything is so focused on giving the player all he needs, whilst the world seems otherwise dead, and the dialogues and everything seem constructed.

And that's where Alan Wake comes in. And it shines in every part of this multimedia adventure. The storytelling is dazzling, using innovative way to make the story flow. I especially liked having glimpse of what will come through the manuscript pages you find. It will keep you expecting and you sure won't be disappointed. Music does a wonder as well. Again, not a typical classical music score, but rather orchestral elements mixed with modern rock prevail. Battle scenes have to be classical, since no other genre can bear such tenseness and thrill, but song at end of each episode always keeps you looking like someone just hit you with a bag of stones to the head. Gameplay, though I liked it the least, is perfectly balanced to keep you at the verge of heart-attack at all times. And finally, the graphics. The play of light is just gorgeous. The landscape of American Northwest is simply stunning as well; don't recall seeing such beauty in any game before. How the land shapes is very emotional; you get to the same cabin at the very beginning and at the end of the last DLC and even though it's still the same place, at the beginning it feels serene and lovely, however at the end it is a grotesque, vile and vicious place no one would want to get near.

And the end of the story? Well, I don't want to be spoiler, but it's truly great, more than I wished for. I've hated many games for how they end; especially ones with open world, that doesn't change a bit after the main plot ends and I hated to see NPCs completely unaffected by my heroic deeds. Here, the ending is epic. And just as lyric! It leaves place (just as the whole game does, considering games are the most specific media) for imagination and will keep you  begging for meaning. And so, thousands have joined to invent the craziest of theories and using the most trivial details and the most complicated logical presumptions the game has to offer, they have shown how they can appreciate surely one of the greatest adventures in history of gaming.

Asylum of dreams

The dying summer breeze touches my hair,
as I watch the city dying in the dusk.
Another day ends and hands over the scepter to the night,
for it to rule in a dark and tranquil time.
And I rave between the worlds of mine and all's.
I keep my dearest in the dreamy planes of my head.
For they could not be so dear, if they were real,
such love would be abysmal and haunting.
The warmth of summer caresses my back,
I see particles of dust in the bright light,
crawling between the leaves of trees.
I turn around and stare into the sun.
It feels grand, but hurts - like life.
I wish for the moment to stay forever,
And I wish for those dearest of mine to come out of the dream,
to sit next to me, lean over my shoulder, and stare into the sun.
We would be so close, yet so different.
I'd want to stay and lay and pray,
but they'd want to play, and roll over in the grass.
And I, imbued with the strength of the sun,
would come along and jump higher.
And when we'd gotten tired,
We'd unwrap the table cloth upon ground and sit again;
behave like a lovely family at a dinner in the dusk.

But there's no place on earth where I could find such peace.
and that's why I retreat,
to the shelter of the dream-weaver.

Out of our minds and into our hearts, standing by.
It's the best we can do.

Look at me

What the fuck am I doing here?

It's 3:00 AM, 25th of February 2012.

I am lying in my bed, horrid thoughts won't let me sleep.
I don't want to; because I know I'll have another work to do when I wake up.

I have a bad taste of cigarettes and beer in my mouth.
And black and white memories in my head.
And I don't see further than 30 minutes ahead of me.


---
3:04. I'm sitting in a corner, hugging my legs.
Like the mental patients in movies, the kind that makes you feel sorry for them.
Contemplating about past and future.
But I don't even know what to do about the present.


---
I am exhausted of telling myself I'm the good guy.
One girl said I'm just faking it to be popular.
I'm not, that I'm sure of.
But maybe; I'm just telling myself I'm good. As a consolation.
I have sinned and I have fucked up.
Question is; does it get balanced by any good I've done?

And the hope does not lead to disappointment.

Every single episode makes me fall in love with it all again;

the ultimate tale of dedication, love and sacrifice.

Shamefully, only few like love in a barren place better than pies and rainbows and whatnot.

I'm sick of utopian hopes and dreams.
You need to dream bittersweet. And know, it's the best you might get.

Sad thing about MTV

The MTV never changed.
The climate of mainstream music changed.
MTV just follows the stream.
That makes it little less grotesque and more terrifying.

Two ways

There are two ways of showing dedication to a good cause: temperament and wisdom.

Re-listening  song Hunger by Shirley Manson and Serj Tankian that they made for Amnesty international got me thinking; what could possibly bring such two absolutely different people together?

Shirley, true humanist person, though the hard way she keeps her shit together and even reaches out to help others.

And on the other hand Serj, wild Armenian ass (and that’s animal comparison, not physical evaluation), self-declared one eyed in the land of the blind, with his high-pitched „lalala“ fighting against ignorance, with ideas even members of NWOO wouldn’t have to be ashamed of.

And yet, despite the ridiculous difference in their opinions, they unite to serve the same cause – humillity. Shirley knows her tears are just drops in the sea, Serj expects his spark to set the whole forest afire, but whatever they think; they do just fine.