Saturday, February 25, 2012

Look at me

What the fuck am I doing here?

It's 3:00 AM, 25th of February 2012.

I am lying in my bed, horrid thoughts won't let me sleep.
I don't want to; because I know I'll have another work to do when I wake up.

I have a bad taste of cigarettes and beer in my mouth.
And black and white memories in my head.
And I don't see further than 30 minutes ahead of me.


---
3:04. I'm sitting in a corner, hugging my legs.
Like the mental patients in movies, the kind that makes you feel sorry for them.
Contemplating about past and future.
But I don't even know what to do about the present.


---
I am exhausted of telling myself I'm the good guy.
One girl said I'm just faking it to be popular.
I'm not, that I'm sure of.
But maybe; I'm just telling myself I'm good. As a consolation.
I have sinned and I have fucked up.
Question is; does it get balanced by any good I've done?

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