Some claim they have more that there actually is.

Money.

A simple things that moves the world.
Or do the money move for the world?

In a student life not having money doesn't actually mean not having money.
The ways money flows is most peculiar.
I owe you, he owes me, you owe him.
I get lost in these things.
Only thing you can be sure about is the ringing of the coins and lisping of notes.

Western countries work the same.
Democratic system, order of this world is just too young.
It should behave like an adult.
And keep it's shit together.
Instead, it gets loans.
These loans quickly become cold numbers and securely hidden papers.
Nothing more. No deal behind them.
And the money these papers claim doesn't exist.
America owes trillions of dollars.
And the question is: where are these dollars?
They don't exist.
They flew away and didn't come back.
Maybe, they're on accounts of Chinese investors.
Or maybe on swiss accounts of important political leaders.

Sure is only one thing: someone will pay.
Either we, or our children.
Because ultimately, only common people have the kind of money the system needs to be cured.

Poor souls, caught in the wheels of showbiz.

I never really cared about celebrities.
I don't care whether Sarah Jessica Parker pissed herself in public, or whether not.

But I know there are some great souls amongst them.
And these souls are mercilessly sucked out by record companies.

I don't support Occupate Wall Street. They would have to present a reasonable demand to earn my trust.

But I feel somewhat pity for young naive girls who want to make a hole in the world and they end up drugged in thrash bin.
Or just and up as a puppet in a hands of suit-guys.
Don't know which is worse.

I love Lana Del Rey music. I believe there is honesty behind it.
But Universal made her it's bitch.
And now when she was asked by thebeatjuice for her top ten favourite songs, she responded with wonderful songs such as Elvis Presley's Edge of the World or theme song of american beauty. AND with Lil Wayne's Lollipop. (C) by Universal.

And she's not the only one. Adele may very well serve as another example.

These girls just want to be heard.
What do they sacrifice?
Why do they sacrifice so much?
Is it worth it?
To kill a girl for a single?

Primates after all...

Primal nature of us, humans is very simple. And very limiting.
We can only ever hope to overcome it.
But don't go becoming Buddhist priests yet!
They got it all wrong.

What separates us, humans from animals are complicated feelings, often unexplicable by logical means.
Those stop us from progress, but they make our lives worth living.
There's no point in abandoning your needs. Eat how much you want, shit how much you want, these are routines we need, so I don't see why should we neglect them - why would you starve yourself, if you can eat?

The true spiritual enlightement is actually hidden behind feelings such as faith, trust, love.
And in few more for which there are no words.
Like when you finish reading a book or watching a movie and you say to yourself "fuuuuck".
The moments of cheer bliss when your whole body shivers because of something intense.
The trances in which you forget all your fears or dreams and just live the moment focused on one thing and one thing only.

And sometimes, if you really care about someone, you have to give them up.
For they simply might not be happy with you.
You want them to smile and be happy.
And you know you cannot give them that.

OR maybe, I'm just scared shitless.
I feel like I might fuck it up.
And I really do fuck up lots of things, but I my trouble solving experiences always help me up on my feet.
But it's not really about me, is it?
It's about her.
It's always been about her.
Cause in the end, what can I have more than her?
There's only one thing: I can have the warm feeling I did the right thing for her to be happy.

I have absolutely none selfish intentions.
I just want to sacrifice my happiness for happiness of her, who I love more than myself.
I don't know why would I do that; it doesn't make any logical sense.
But I'm proud of it.

Still going down, down, down,
how low can you go?

There is not a single bad song they ever made.
Even rare or never released songs are great.
Still so much to discover about their music.
How low can you go?

An eye of the firestorm.

If you ask some people what is the thing they care about most when selecting a partner, they answer:"My partner must be smart and beautiful".
That is very trivial, because it doesn't really tell anything about them.

What I would probably say is: "I care about how I feel in her presence and whether she has a spark in the eye.
Again, the first part - how her presence makes me feel - is very trivial, yet very important.
But I'd like to talk about the second part.

Some call it chemistry, some call it fate, I call it a spark in the eye.
Because it simply is a spark in the eye.
When a girl looks at you, smiles and you look back at her. Look her in the eye. And even if you were till then in the gloomiest mood, you just have to smile. You are paralyzed.
Or maybe not paralyzed.
Maybe "lost" is fitting better.
Lost in a deep gaze.
Her eyes put down the usual boring grey suit.
And the physics and psychics join.
You feel like you see INTO her.
And inside, everyone sees something different.
Someone sees a wild party.
Someone sees warmth of a home - a burning chimney washing away all your fears and worries.
And someone doesn't see anything. And those people are the greatest cynics. Or aggressors.

I don't know what I see, to be honest.
But it is very addictive feeling.
I wanna be a junkie.

Vienna calling, wieners!

4 posts below are notes I made during my trip in Vienna on 27.-30.10.2011.
They are not very conceptual, so it doesn't matter if you read it from the top (from the last one, that is).

Attention please!

Fourth and also the last part of my notes from Vienna.

***

It would seem I get tired quite easily.

That’s not true.

If you try to get the most you can in every situation,

You have to keep attention, whenever there is anything that might catch your eye.

And you need to hibernate every other time.

That’s why I sleep in bus.

There is nothing new to see there.

Not even watching people: if you look around in bus, there is nothing unique about anyone whatsoever.

I am very fond of my biological clock.

I don’t need an alarm.

If I say to myself „I will wake up at nine“ in the evening,

I wake up at nine next day.

Accuracy +/- 5 minutes.

Yesterday I visited Austrian Emperors‘ neverwinter castle Schoenbrunn in Vienna.

It was rococo architectonic style.

I hate rococo. It just too nice-y and ornamented. And plain naive.

--But what I loved were the imperial gardens.

They are huge: almost the same size as whole country of Monaco.

And they are very lovely.

The hedges, fountains, perfectly cut trees in vibrant shapes, statues depicting ancient mythology.

And also the historical Zoo located in the middle of the gardens.

Colours of atumn only add up to the atmosphere.

After, I went shopping to one of the largest outlet centers in middle Europe.

I have always found outlet centers demeaning. Devil’s sanctuaries to celebrate consume.

+ I never could choose anything there and when I in the end did, it was either too expensive or not in my size.

But this outlet center in Vienna was quite okay.

MUCH better than the one in Milano.

And there aren’t any big outlet centers in CZ.

So if you wanna go shopping for brands – go to Vienna.

But somehow, I like Prague more than Vienna.

Both of these cities were over-dimensed some time in history:

Prague, when in 14^th century it was center of II. Roman Rise.

Vienna, when 200 hundred years ago it was center of Austrian-Hungarian Empire.

But Prague has since evolved to look much more full, cozy and just looks like a more fun place to live in.

Vienna just feels a little bit empty, boring, not varied. But it feels richer. No barred buildings, crumbling walls. Everything is tidied up. In this perspective, Prague has got lot of catching up to do.

It’s 4 hours by car from Vienna to Prague.

Don’t expect no roadtrip though: my parents were never too fond of such things.

So I am now sitting here , listening to Franz Ferdinand music, playing sims3, writing this stupid blog in PS Pad. It’s a text editor for programmers, but I don’t have any other here right now.

I should write less about what I do and more about what I feel.

No one could be interested in what I do, I figure.

But I’m all outta philosophical ideas right now.

And I feel like writing something.

Modern art blues

3rd part of my notes from Vienna.

***

Holidays.

Just what I needed.

I wasn’t realising it, though.

I managed to squeeze Vienna tourism into a single day.

And what stop caught my attention most?

Surely the mumok.

Modern art museum, that is.

The classic styles of modern art like cubism are quite boring.

The real shit is minimalistic  art and pop culture.

For example a huge wall covered only with copies of the same letters with 6 stamps.

Only difference between all those letters were the order in which those stamps were placed on the letter.

And there were all combinations possible.

Also monochromy is quite interesting. But it doesn’t give any space for variation, so there was not really much to see.

And at the end, just when I was beginning to get bored, I saw the greatest spectacle in whole musem.

In a hidden black room, there was a movie playing.

It was basically a shot of a huge long hall in industrial landscape – probably a factory.

And it was in a super-slow motion.

The camera was very slowly (1 meter in 3 minutes or so) moving through the hall, around people  were sitting on crates on the sides were slowly eating their bagels, or reading their papers.

I spent almost an hour looking at this single experimental movie.

I really wanted to know what will happen next.

Even though I knew it wouldn’t be anything interesting.

It really wasn’t “worth the while” as someone would say.

But it really struck me.

The industrial noises playing in background.

A dark ambient atmosphere.

It felt just like reading a book, but starting in the middle.

I always enjoyed watching people.

But when you meet a person walking on the street, you don’t feel like there’s some history about them, that you’d need to know to be able to judge them.

This gives a new perspective.

And that’s one of the most important things in life.

These things are so difficult to explain.

But sometimes, life attacks from cover, when you don’t even know it’s there.

That was a bit unclear – let’s just say nothing can surprise more than life.

I mean – I’ve always considered myself almost invincible. Never had to fear for my life.

And yet, death or sicknesses can come with ease – in my lifestyle there’s no way I won’t have medical problems eventually.

But self-preservation complex just doesn’t recognize long-term dangers.

That’s why people smoke. And eat lots of sweeties. And just do lots of stupid shit they know they will regret.

There is a little red ‘STOP’ button somewhere deep inside us.

But the control panel is jammed,  and can easily overhear the little security beep.

People are just like animals.

 Just like Russian scientists imagined animals, to be exact.

There are really just 2 primal things about our behavior. Reason and animal reflexes.

The whole reason is built on learning to do stuff repeatedly because you get a little treat in the end.

And reflexes are just little pieces of knowledge transferred from mother to son in the DNA that tell you to do stupid shit in front of women. And they also tell us to not use condoms. And basically everything else that is vital for surviving of human race, but these 2 things are the most important.

Self preservation is a reasonable thing – don’t do shit and you won’t get hurt. You don’t get hurt, you don’t feel pain. And you don’t wanna feel pain, do ya’?

Actually everything we do is primitive and greedy.

Even though we desperately try to break the vicious circle.

We strive to be unique.

But not too unique to be condemned to lonely life.

Someone told me that I’m an interesting person.

I consider it a great spiritual achievement.

Because to stand out is painful and hard.

But totally worth the little sacrifices such as happiness.

And happiness does NOT equal being contented.

I am very contented with my life.

Ideals

2nd part of my notes from Vienna

***

There is a limited number of ideals you can try to build your life on.

Some pursue stability.

But if you want to have your life stable, you actually spend all the time keeping your shit together.

And you have to sacrifice an important part of life: emotions.

If you want to taste other treats of life, you have to live near the edge.

And now don’t také me wrong: I despise adventurers and alcoholics and such, who would do anything to escape daily routine.

But I cannot imagine myself satisfied sitting behind a desk calculating cold numbers.

I try to preserve my privacy and I try to keep as much time as my social life allows me by myself.

But I need human contact. A solid human contact – not the „I hope your day is well so far, sir“ kind of crap. Honesty is a great concept. Yet, our civilization considers it a manner of days that passed long time ago.

Long time ago is the most relative measure you could possibly think of.

But to make things less sad and scary, I have a joke.

1st guy: Dude, Paul just got knifed.

2st guy: Wow, that’s really forked up.

*1st guy puts on his serious grimace*

2st guy: Too spoon ?

You get it?

Oh, I see, you get it but you don’t think it’s funny.

Hmphf.

Drunk psychology

This is first part of my notes from Vienna trip. They mostly don't have anything to do with Vienna at all, but I didn't have internet connection there, so I will now post them all.

***

I am used to dealing with drunk people on the verge of doing something horrendously stupid.

I have learned how to make them understand the point I try to represent.

Which is usually: “Lay down and don’t do a shit.”

Often other (sober or just tipsy) people make fun of me because of that.

They tell me I speak to those drunks like they were children. That I tell them things I can’t fulfill, that I manipulate them.

But it is necessary and it works. No one can deny it.

And by this, I learned a plenty about the human mind.

Drunk people are honest.

Drunks never lie.

And often, they reveal a part of their primal selves.

I believe it made me understand actions of brain better.

I feel like I understand thinking of people around me better.

And I always hoped to raise a certain feeling in people by my writing.

I have never been very successful yet, especially my early creations are miserable.

I had an idea, but I couldn’t find a way to express it.

That is for example the short story I wrote last year for English Writers competition.

I didn’t receive any feedback, but I didn’t even get to the winning ceremony, even though about half of people who wrote stories were there.

So I guess it was just miserable.

But now I know about at least a single person, who felt moved by this blog.

And it might as well be the only person who read it yet.

And it warms me at heart.

My legs are wooden

Sometimes you just don't feel like doing anything.
You just listen to the music of silence.
Stare at the cracks in the wall.
And you know there are things you must do.
Immediately.
But only thing you care about in that precious moment is to stay in this sweet surrender for as long as possible.
Because it's cold outside.
So instead of actually doing what I should do, I'm watching the black and white abbys of wannabe meaningful letters and sentences I call my blog.
And I think.
But I don't really know what am I thinking.
My mind is... disunited.



Robert Fulgham is a great person. You really should read some of his writing.
He is an ideal of living a great life with an immerse variety of experiences.
He was a cowboy, priest, singer, teacher and ultimately, for what he got most recognition, writer.
It is a miraculous thing, when someone has life interesting enough to share and also knows a way to express himself.

Stranger things have happened

The state of mind that prevents your thoughts from flowing is a most merciful one.
For thoughts are little worms, digging deep, cutting through your memories, trying to reach your future.
And what is the worst thing about ideas: some of them are incredibly stupid. Or mean. Or just irrational.
Everybody has ideas like that.
And some of them stay deep there somewhere, out of sight, yet in your head.
And they cut the strings.
The strings all of your ideals are built on.
And they eventually force you to consciously make things you don't think you want to or should do.
You cannot evade it.
No one can.
Even though they don't realize it.

There should be a separate interweb for pornography.

Yes, you heard me.
It's impossible to search for something on the internet without constantly stumbling upon german fetish porn.
Or worse, some brazilian fucked up shit.
I was looking for an album called "The Back Room" by Editors. Didn't realize that there's ought to be some porn movie with this title till I pressed the "search" button.

Busted

I told them I have a blog.
Didn't give them a link.
Didn't expect them to find it.
Fuck.
Seems like I can't post much more personal things, can I?
Yet, I probably will. Blogging is too relaxing and fun to abandon and not even I would be interested in reading about what I did today.

Sanctum is a terrible movie.
Supported by one of the worst practices - earning money by name.
This got James Cameron all over it. But he didn't direct it. He didn't write it. He just was an executive producer, nothing more.

How can you always be late with your arrival? You know I forgive you every single time...

Today (Wednesday), tomorrow and Friday are the autumn holidays here in CZ. That's great, because I needed a relaxing time anyway. Think I'll just lie on my bed today the whole day. Maybe I'll even play a videogame. God, I haven't done that in a while!
Or maybe I'll go to the city, and meet some of my friends. Few of them have a terrible hangover, because they were at a party yesterday, so fun guaranteed---

I think it's a nice thing to reorganize my thoughts again. So I'll sort of recapitulate last month. (since I'm going to Vienna tomorrow and return 31.10. I won't probably have time to blog this month.)

October is always an insane month. It's because of my school. Exchange trips are almost always scheduled for October, and also our weekly nature trip is in October every year. And to top it off, some of the top class alcoholics I know have birthday in October!
My school conception makes 5th class (which is mine class) the hardest, because we have to do stuff usually concepted to to 2 years, since in 6th class we have courses at foreign schools and only few people stay here in CZ.
So the month began in a pretty hard and tiring way.
I had so much work to do there wasn't even space in my planning diary to write it all down!
But on 7th we went to the trip. That was one helluva week, since the first evening I was permanently drunk and I swear for about 5 days I didn't drink anything else than coffee and alcoholic drinks (vodka+juice, coke+rum, whatever).
When I returned on 14th I was completely unusable for next 2-3 days. (because hangover comes when alcohol starts transforming to methanol in your head. Since I was always drinking fresh alcohol (and fresh alcohol is the antidote to methanol) for the whole week I stayed without hangover the whole time - until I came back home).
After that french exchange students come and the party continues.
They are leaving tomorrow.
And tomorrow I am also going with my family for a nice weekend in Vienna, just walking by the historical monuments, drinking famous Viennese coffee, Eating wieners (where'd you think they came from?) and maybe some shopping.
It's going to be great.

The ways of life are utmost peculiar.

I didn't want anyone hurt

They told me to throw my pictures away. That they are just pictures.
There's nothing such as "just" or "only".
In some points, pictures are even worth more than your entire existence.
Because they are forever. They can wake up a feeling in masses. They never change.
Pictures never change. And that makes the world easier.


Making love a commercial thing should be punished.
Make education commercial. Make justice commercial. Make healthcare commercial.
But please, don't make love commercial.
You destroy it by doing so.
Almost to that point, that you see more love in facebook sidebar than in your life.
Oh yeah, and don't forget babies. Do not make them commercial also.
Even though it wouldn't destroy them, particularly...

Adele should be supported.
I don't really like her, because she is a dummy with a great voice.
Hollywood sucked her dry, stripped her of her own religion.
And gave her nothing.
But as I watch the mainstream, I find out she's a single singer with actually a talent, rather than a good
autotune, synthetizers and an ad campaign by recording companies.

Today I had a latin class.
Compulsory latin class.
Yet I managed to skip it. C'est bon, parce que je deteste lingua latina.
Instead I went to a monastery library here in Prague.
It's closed off to the public, but because I went with french exchange students staying at my school I got in.
They had some sort of deal with the embassy, but it applied only to french guys. So I had to disguise myself as one. Mais, je ne parle pas francais tres bon, so I was repeating "that's nice" and "I don't know" most of the time.
Anyways, I felt like I was in steampunk heaven.
A great hall, full of giant books in leather cases.
Two floors with only shelves full of books.
And wonderful iron stairs using a rail to go through the room and reach the highest books.
Golden decorations,
A huge painting over the whole ceiling.
All of the walls decorated with shiny wooden panels.
One James Bond movie had a scene shot there.
But I don't know which one was it.

Way better than BBC!

Low-budget documentaries are such a great thing.
"I opened my eyes and I realized my wife was on fire."
"They said "breathe, breathe". But I couldn't breathe."

Ana Somnia

I have seen it so many times.
Yet it never ceases to amaze me.

http://www.anasomnia.com

The love that you felt should be equal the pain you've gone through.

I feel bubbling in my stomach.
Probably, it's just because of the insecurity I feel.

Tearoom is a place of tranquility. A haven to hide, when the day is cold.
But the simple nature of that place makes you think.
And thinking may, sometimes, be intoxicating.
When there is nothing happy to think of.
The safe haven transforms to a gloomy graveyard in a blink of an eye.
Not alone, yet lonely.
People laughing all around me.
And me, just sitting there, smoking hookah and drinking lovely black tea.

When I went back home, I was sitting in a bus, listening to ambient music, barely keeping awake.
But then, I noticed a gruesome picture out of window.
In the middle of the field there was an ambulance and they were picking up a body.
That's all I know.
And it scares the shit out of me.
And what scares me most is,
next to the body, in the foss,
there was a car turned upside down.
A same car, same colour, like my father has.
I was so glad when I saw him arrive home.
Terrifying.

There are no words to describe thoughts flying through human brain.
It would be daft to even try to.
My young senses are not yet deafened to ignore everyday emotions.
I always tried to keep my pokerface.
But in fact, I'm very emotional person.
But there's no one who would see that.
No one I would consider understanding enough to share this burden with.
So I am lonely.
And what more, now, I'm also alone.

Cruel mornings.

Ok.
So,
when I woke up today, I thought to myself: "this is going to be a pretty shitty day".
Twas at first.
Twas at second as well.
But on third, It turned on to be a cool day.

There are 2 types of hangover.
-The apathic "oh, fuck, I'm not drinking EVER again".
-The "oh, fuck, yesterday was cool, but my head hurts like hell. But, hey, I had/I'm having a great time, right?"

I was streaming through my song library. I've dug really deep to find all of my forgotten treasures.
And I was particularly enchanted by Shirley Manson's line "Breaking down is easy" (Garbage - I think I'm paranoid).
It gives a new perspective. And that is, what life is about. Maybe keeping your head up really is worth trying.
Maybe cheerful people have better lives.
Probably not though.
I'm not a cheerful person, at least on the inside not, yet I may seem cheerful.
And I have a great life.
A great outlook to future.
And great teenage years at the same time. Who can say that?

Recently, someone told me "Most of girls say, I am not like most of girls".
I have given it a thourough thought.
And I figured out, that there actually isn't most of girls.
Every girl is different.
At least here, in my surrounding they are.
Not so educated in american stereotypes, so I have no idea how it goes there.

Living here is so different from living in US. Better I think. But I'd like to go to US for longer time. I've been there only once, for 3 weeks.
And my school offers educational trips to best american private high schools.
So a year in Wisconsin would be a nice thing, I guess.
A very valuable experience.
I mean, who lived a year in a different country? Especially when they were 17...

Oh yes, and I'm beginning to be a quite good dancer.
And a good guitar player.
A fast learner, I am.
Things seem to be working out fairly nice.
Except for money. I don't have any at all.
There are about 2.5 dollars on my bank account. (45 CZK, 1 USD = 17 CZK.

Stop being so childish for christ's sake.
Only children can afford that.

Trembling pain

I wrote this already once, but in my in terrible recklesness I managed to delete it all.

Functioning normally is much more complicated with a hangover than when drunk.
I woke up at noon. My head's been exploding since. But it doesn't seem to explode just yet. So I am waiting anxiously for it to happen.

My room smells like a swamp. It makes me sick. It's so disgusting! Why can't we just go to tearoom, drink Pu-Erh Yetti special double fermented blend and smoke shisha, instead of this awful self-decapacitating, with no point at all.

16th birthday party should not go this wrong. I feel like a gangsta ghetto kid, a rotten existence.
Yet I visit the best school in my effin country, so it can't be that bad.
Even the fact I can write in English in this state of mind (note: my mother tongue is Czech) proves something.
But enough of unfitting boasting.
I think I'll go back to silent self-loathing now.

Road tripping has been interupted to deliver you important news

Life is nice.

Maybe a little sad though.

Not that it would really matter – it might just make it even more beautiful.

Roadtripping in thick mist with my father has a strange spell.

Listening to Cure, music I listen to now and music my father used to listen to when he was in college makes it even more intense.

Till sudenly, my father stopped this weird fantasy and turned on the news instead.

Libya must be hell for its people.

After the imminent danger has been defeated and collective enemy faced death in a very inhuman and deaming way, nothing keeps clans and various factions from continuing their fight for power and influence.

And also every world’s influential entity wants to rip off a rather big piece of influence in Libya, for geopolitical means (understand: oil).

Good thing Russia and China lost their chance by remaining neutral in the Gaddafi/rebels conflict.

But still, Libya shouldn’t sacrifice so much for democracy, if they were to become a puppet controlled by USA, NATO or EU.

Such meaningless strugless only fuel aggresivity and unsatisfying hunger of western world.

Wall street protesters have a point. But shamefully that’s not the only thing. Along with a point, one to succeed must also present reasonable ways/measures to deal with the problem. And that is a thing very hard to do, without support of any major political institution.

The only war they ever won was the civil war...

So today my french exchange student was supposed to come.
He didn't.
The others did, only he didn't.
Supposedly, he didn't come because he is sick. But some of his mates told me he got into some trouble and his parents didn't let him go.

My school ended quite soon,
I went to a café, lit up a cigarette and read short horror stories by H.P. Lovecraft.
I still shiver, when I imagine the horryfing world of endless, etherical fear he managed to create.
Such an amazing writer.



After that, I went to pick up those french guys to school.
After I figured out my mate isn't there, I decided to hit the bar with some friends and rest of french guys.
Did feel kinda bad, for drinking beer, when people who legally could drink beer drought only cola.
But fuck the police. I enjoyed it, that matters most.

Only the most sophisticated political jokes are funny.

Please, please, if you don't know anything about politics, don't have an opinion.
I am so tired of common folks blabbering "These politicians are a f***ing bunch of stealing liars, they should all get hanged".
Sometimes though, even this kinda people have something enriching to say. Just today, I had a little chat with my guitar teacher. He said that in US if you don't have money, you may even die in hospital hall and no one is going to care. And that this might soon happen to CZ as well.
Maybe. But it's not as simple as that.
Medicine should be somehow separated from the state. If the biggest insurance company country-wide is owned by the state, it is not a good thing. It sure means bullying of other insurance companies' clients, money inefficiency, iracional savings on things that are objectively needed.

Czech Republic has the same problems as Greece. Only thing that saved us, was 40 years of communism (now I'm not implying communism is a good political system, sure it's not) because after end of the communist era in CZ there was state debt 0. Exactly 0. We got what we wanted from Soviet Union. In case it was in Soviet Union, of course. And there weren't many things there.

But I don't want to talk about economic situation in Europe. Too depressive topic. You get it? The depression? I'm such a great entertainer, I know.

Wednesday morning! You sure have changed since yesterday...

After a long time I went to the school with bus, instead of car.
Had to wake up at 6 am.
Complete dark.
Just looking out of the window made me exhausted right away, even though I was so fresh before.
Took a shower, lunch and guitar.
And went down, downtown.
On my way I lost an earbud.
Oh my sweet earbuddy! What will I do without cha'?
(you see what I did there? earbuddy? Ain't that just hilarious? No? Oh, well then.)
But when I went to a bridge over a highway, took my morning cigarette and watched those little people in their little cars driving by, I felt like it was worth it.

Nr. 20

Post number twenty.
And I have a first member!
Oh, wait, that's my profile...

I must celebrate...with a sleep!

Hating is gay

I am very good in arguing.
I practíce quite often.
But I must say I've grown quite tired of doing so.
But people keep being friendly just for so long you agree with them and/or are buying the round.

Next time you stab me in the back, you better do it to my face.

Because what can make post about peace & love more peaceful and lovely, than quoting Meat Loaf?

True romance

Roses are red,
violets are red,
grass is red,
oh shit, my garden is on fire.

Take your sorry-ass back to Brusells

Today a french ambassador visited my school for opening of new art gallery.
Such a terrible, hypocritic, diplomatic prick.
These "artworks" were basically just images of forest with text in french about saving rainforests.
But instead of actually talking about them, this ambassador was talking about how great french schooling system is (by the way, it's one of the worst systems in Europe.)
And then absolutely sovereignly told us, he might even borrow us another set of those artworks, if we won't rip those we got now to pieces.

I guess considering yourself the ruler of the planet is a basic requirement in his social circles.
How disgusting is it?
When you know that European Union is ruled by people like him only...

Actually...

I just finished watching Love actually.
For the 15th time now.
Yes, I count it.
Amazing movie.
And I think it really fits today's atmosphere.

By the way: talking whether stratocaster or les paul is better seems just so pretentious, if discussed by people who listen to avenged sevenfold. Such plain and straight-forward music.

The winter magic

It's coming.
Do you smell it?
Don't you feel it?
The outdoors are cold.
The bus has changed to cozy, warm haven, from the sweaty, smelly public transportation it was back in the summer.
The smoke is coming from the chimneys.
The sun is down, when I go to school.
And it's down again when I leave.
The snow isn't there yet, but it's just a matter of time.
The autumn has given way to new part of the year.
The Proserpina returned to her husband Hades, the king of the underworld.
And cold reign of her mother, godess of harvest Ceres, has begun.
The rauchenplatz (smoking place) in front of my school is empty.
Only sometimes a flock of few shaking addicts are standing there shaking.
Partly of withdrawal, partly of cold.
The sound of teeth clapping.
The magical, peaceful atmosphere.
THE WINTER IS HERE.

Procrastination

Procrastination is the worst sin. Fuck your neighbour's wife, I don't care, but please, do not procrastinate. It kills you from the inside.

Now I'm going to procrastinate again.

I speak Klingon fluently.

Sitting on my programming lesson.
Not paying attention, instead checking homework for little kid I teach English.

Having an acting class and programming class in the same day is such an overkill.

My french exchange student is coming this thursday.
So excited.
Anyways, next week's gonna be a real party.
But that means this week I'll have to only work and sleep.
But enough for the first one for now.
Going to sleep.
I know, I'm in class, but it's so exhausting.

Erryday Imm shufflin', mates!

You call this a dance class?
I don't think so.
It was more of a simultaneous stomping on others' feet.
Terrific fun, nevertheless.
Waltz is okay. Polka is the real shit.
Only problem is, those leather shoes feel like you're a curling stone, 'cause SLIDING!
Next week, my exchange student from France is coming, so he's going to be a spectator on next of my lessons.
He'll laugh his ass off.
But so will I.

Tranquillity

I like it here.

It's quiet in here.

Zzzzz

I've got tons of stuff to do till tomorrow.
And I got damned little time.
Also, got to go to dance lessons tonight.
I think I'll hit the bar after.
That baldy control freak teacher is going to be so upset!
He deserves it. I'm not  a rebel kinda "teacherz suxs" guy, in fact I like to have a friendly chat with some of my teachers. But I really hate this one. Called me an idiot in front of whole class.

Guess I'll go to sleep now.
Even though I realize it's the worst possible solution.

PC, the ultimate doom of Apple

Isn't it ironic, that Steve Jobs died of disease with initials PC?
Anyways, this is not going to be another "OMG! He did soooo much for the world!!" article.
(I do not mean to deny the work he's done, though.)

Instead, I'd like to talk about FUTURE OF APPLE!

Recently, I had a little fight with some of me friends. They said "Yeah, sure. Steve Jobs is the one who did everything. Designed all the devices, programmed the software, made the ads. Don't be ridiculous. His death changes nothing". I must say this opinion wasn't very funded, nor accompanied by any other arguments.
I had to disagree.

Because ultimately, what does apple separate from every other electronics corporation?
It's public image, it's notoriety, it's importance in pop culture.
Not pricing, nor technical advancements.
People buy apple products because it's a safe bet. Because they don't know advantages of others.
If there were more samsung billboards, than Apple billboards, people would buy samsung more than apple.
Technically, it's all the same.

And Steve Jobs created this image. At first, it was a little kid that followed his dream, creating great new gadgets in his garage.
And his great talent led him to building huge corporation, whose products has everyone.
Such a nice story. But also a very naive one.
And people seem to like naive stories.

Only the death of Steve Jobs led to regression of Apple stocks by 8 percent.
Releasing iPhone 4S was a terrible strategic move.
Maybe a sign of Titan's fall?

Who knows what the future will bring?
Except for Nostradamus?

It's you

It's you, it's you, it's all for you,
everything I do I do it all for you

But I don't know who you are.
Fuck.

That's what she said

"I am afraid of happy people. They are chemically unbalanced."
-Shirley Manson

Nothing interesting happened today. No one read my little corner of the internet know as "blog".
There are too many blogs already, I guess.
But do the bloggers have anything to say?

I watch my former schoolmates on facebook.
They have such simple, happy lives.
Or is it just my subconscious desire to be special?

Humans are wondrous beings.
Especially girls.
Those girls, that make you smile.
And don't fuck black guys behind your back.
(actually there are no black guys in CZ)
(no racist pun intended - but some narrow-minded americans might find it insulting, I guess.)
(Didn't mean to insult americans either.)

I feel like I am writing this whole down just for myself.
But in fact, I want people to understand me.
People I can love to be exact.
And you can never love anyone too close to you enough, to share all your life experience with them.
Can you?

Don't want to sound like some little emo girl.
I am a pretty contented person actually.
Tonight, I am gonna light up the fireplace.
Make me a nice dinner.
Feel the warm of being at home.
Didn't know that feeling for a while.
But everything is alright now.
God bless.
(that reminds me of how much I hate most of intolerant US churches, and the catholic church using religion to extort people, and the church of england, founded only so english kings could re-marry.)
But I do like the concept of religion.
I knew one priest, that was always there to listen to you, went for a beer with you, smoked a cigarette with you, just to make you feel better.
He died recently.
 Shame buddhism is such an outdated concept.
 Though I like the "painting chinese pictures with cats' tails dipped in colour" part of it.

Get educated. It gives new perspective.
+it makes you smart like an ass. See for yourself. I'm 16.
(I am going to loathe myself for the rest of my life for writing this sentence.)

Lust for gold, die alone.

In one of the previous posts, I mentioned Internet story short movie (link: http://vimeo.com/13780892 )
It really taken my attention, so I have decided to gather some facts.

First thing - the short movie reffers to nickname Al1 as it would be a regular name, such as Allan, or whatever.
BUT if you do just a little bit of thinking, you'll find that AL1 could be also written AL(one) and you got [drumroll] ALONE.

So grotesque.

Next thing, the account on youtube doesn't exit anymore. If you type in youtube.com/users/Fortress it says that account has already been deleted by its user. Important part is that USER HIMSELF deleted it. Also, there was a video of him going to Wales. That must mean he did NOT die in Wales, because he wouldn't get to post it otherwise (no smartphones capable of doing so in 2005).

However, you can find an account with all his videos called http://www.youtube.com/user/xxxxFORTRESSxxxx     -but there are some weird things about this account. It was created in 2008, that is 3 years after the said murder, and last time it was edited is the same day it was created. The videos are posted in 2010.

One of the most important clues is the fifth video. It seems totally pointless and empty - and it doesn't have a straight end. It is composed by camera shooting the scenery, probably from a bus, and there also are shots of a shovel. There is a weird focus on the shovel and its basically only single thing worth noticing in this video.
Now let's go to AL1's website, where he is digging a hole and hiding the money. And we'll find out...
THE SHOVELS MATCH! They are EXACTLY the same.

Gives me creeps.

Now it would seem, that mr. AL1, aka Fortress commited suicide and made the videos just to warn people about it. He hid the treasure and made a video about uncovering it.

But then I stumbled upon a very interesting comment on xxxxFortressxxxx youtube channel.
It quoted a text from list of unsolved murder cases from Britain, stating that there was a murder in yellowhill and there were found TWO SETS OF FOOTPRINTS on the crime scene. That is strange, because
1) they say a farmer found the dead body, if one of the footprints would be his, it would mean suicide.
2) maybe farmer didn't find it while walking (maybe car), or just his footprints weren't counted. That would mean a struggle and a murder
3) let's think about the state of footprints. They say that farmer found the body 3 days after the death and from fortress's video it seemed like a nice sunny day, so how could footprints last for 3 days? How come the wind and rain didn't mess them up (there could be an investigation in this clue - maybe find what weather was like these days? but I don't feel like doing so).

Lots of investigators claim the whole story is fake, because the newspaper article doesn't exist. I have tried to search for the list of unsolved murder cases, but there is NOT a single unidentified murder victim for whole year 2005 in this list. So maybe both the article and the police report quoted by user didn't ever exist. Or maybe, they were just taken down for sake of investigation.

If its indeed fake, I show my deep respect to makers of the short movie, for creating such a great piece of art, that makes you think.
If it however truly happened, I grieve for the person found and I wish he could share his story with the rest of us.

Bokeh

by Aoao2

So pretty. Makes you wonder. I wanna be able to make something like this too.

Did you notice that this post doesn't have a title?
I like it that way.  

Sorting my thoughts

Did you know, that dreams are just sorting your thoughts, like when you're rewinding an old VRC?
Sometimes, you have to do so, when you're awake too.
What do you do with life?
It's one in the morning. I had awfully not enough of sleep recently, and I could go to sweet surrender of sleep hours ago, but here I am, lying in my bed with my laptop.
Today I first tasted clean water after week of drinking only vodka, rum and coffee.
It's refreshing. But boring.
Don't do boring stuff.
It doesn't make sense, doesn't give you anything in life.
I'm thinking playing TF2.
Oh god, I hate that game. But I don't wanna go to sleep and it would keep me awake for sure.
Parov Stelar are having a concert in my town!
But it's sold out...

My french exchange student is coming this thursday.
It seems he's only coming, because beer is cheaper here, than in France.
Fuck. What will I do with him, when I can't handle even myself while drinking?
Now I'm sitting here and thinking what to write next.
My friend who moved to Slovakia recently is back in here for the weekend, but we can't meet cause neither of us has time to.
Why is nothing going out well nowadays?

I'm quite alone. Need someone willing to listen to my voice, when I call them in the middle of the night.
But I don't have such a special person. Now don't take me wrong - I'm no asocial loser.
But I'm more of a friend kinda guy, than a boyfriend kinda guy.
God, how that pisses me off.

I'll go and get myself a tea. Pu-erh yetti, special chinese blend, twice fermented, my favorite.
One of the few things in life, that smell better, than they taste.
Can't stand those paperbag wannabe teas. Bleergh!

Sorry if I don't make sense, or make mistakes. I'm tttt - (too tired to think).
God, that sounds good. tttt.
I guess I'll use it from now on.

By the way, I just saw absolutely mindfucking amazing short movie now.
Here it is: http://vimeo.com/13780892
It really does give things new perspective.
[spoiler alert] when in usual children story 3 "bad" guys die, it is not so horrible.
But when they found a real, solid, cold body...
It is just so macabre.
Like H.P. Lovecraft's stories - go and read some, now!
But first, listen to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUsnEjlL9x4&feature=related
They say no one sane listens to classical music.
Fuck.

Good night, darklings.
(btw read shirley mansons facebook notes. shes got more life experience, than I can even imagine.)

My inspirations.

My inspirations.

Lana Del Rey. Shirley Manson. Butch Vig. Ian Curtis. Gwen Stefani. Ellen Page. David Duchovny. Aleš Roleček. The woman who makes icecream next door. Michal Arnot. Kateřina Fišerová.

I like to separate my music/movies and the artists, who make them. I love Jimi Hendrix music, but I think Hendrix was a kind of person, that doesn’t have their shit together.

And since we’re talking about music.

I PLAY GUITAR!

Yep, that’s right. I can’t play so much YET, but I’m a fast learner.

  

I got an idea. I’ll make last week’s setlist. Last week was one of the most immerse experiences I got in my life and there are some songs connected to those memories. Do you know the feeling? When a song pops up on your shuffle and it instantly makes you remember that crazy-ass party once, or that night trip in a bus, just drinking red bull and singing all night long?

Okay, so 7.-14. October 2011 setlist is:

LANA DEL REY – KINDA OUTTA LUCK - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Gg8pZYjCTM

(she may look bitchy, but she’s a real talent – especially her falsetto (or wattafack is it) when screaming „savior“ gives me chills – hope she won’t end up like a sucked-up, overproduced hollywood victim (Adele style))

LANA DEL REY – BLUE JEANS and VIDEO GAMES - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t-I-Lqy06g&NR=1 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HO1OV5B_JDw&feature=related

(I really did listen the shit outta her)

PAROV STELAR – SUNNY BUNNY BLUES - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlag4N5cvF0

(a great austrian (not australian) DJ, founder of Electro Swing genre, really one of a kind music – be sure to check out his other songs like Shine or Chambermaid Swing(great song to listen while running/working out btw))

RAY CHARLES – WHAT I’D SAY - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzkLs7ymZqU&ob=av2n

(No one can hate this. Seriously.)

FREDDIE HUBBARD – LITTLE SUNFLOWER - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VATGrV0396s

(next to my art history class, there was a music class which played this live the whole day. Pure bliss.)

SAK NOEL – LOCA PEOPLE - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-d6b1yn-YhQ&ob=av2e

(real party song. Wattafack. I still can’t move after the disco.)

Nr.1

So welcome to my blog, I guess…

             
First off, don’t expect me to write about my lunch. I don’t like the usual blogger-reader relationship (blogger being the one with life and reader being the one who has nothing else to do, than to read blogs) so I just want to share my experiences and my attitude to life. I aim to inspire.

I live in Europe. Czech republic to be exact (the little piece of land between Germany and Poland – the crossroad between western, civilized Europe and the eastern part, that is under Russia’s influence).

I speak Czech as my mother tongue, so excuse my English please. I also speak french a little bit.

I go to prestigious high school PORG, founded by the son of Czech president. PORG is quite inpopular here in CZ, because goverment opposition has managed to create illusion, that PORG is funded by government  and since that, we are just a school of „rich people’s kids, little arrogant bastards, who got their place in the world bulit by their papas and mamas.“

It’s not like that.

I’m 16.

I have just arrived this morning from a one-week school trip (we have only 200 students, so we can go on a trip all together).

The hangovers in the morning, while philosophing about spanish Manneristic poems of 16th century are hard to forget. Going to smoke to the beach in middle of the night felt quite poetic too, especially when you’re carrying a girl, who couldn’t find her shoes on your back.

But don’t think I get any of this for free. During this single week I’ve spent my whole paycheck for English lessons I give to little kids in my free time.
(no matter how little of it I have).

Life doesn’t have to be happy to be beatiful, for beauty may be hidden in little things.