The law, justified.

Ok, I’ve been planning to write this down for quite long and since it’s the valentine’s day and all that shit…

I present you:

THE REDHEAD PROTECTION LAW

The Consortium of Men decided that the natural redheads are almost always beautiful (only man in opposition was Petr Kaftan, so shame on his head!). Problem has however appeared with the invention of hair dye indifferent from natural hair. The exclusivity of red hair decrased rapidly; since naturally 5 % of populace has red hair, every % more damages the perfect natural balance. This law is made to preserve this wonder of nature and to control the number of artificially coloured redheads.

-The law allows red hair dye only to be sold at specialized pharmacies and only to be sold to a customer who is in possession of special form of prescription, the ITT (I’d tap that) certificate.

-ITT certificate will be issued by newly founded police force “Fashion police”. This new unit has two tasks to fulfill; apart from issuing ITT certificates it is required to hunt down anyone who decides to wear socks in sandals. Punishment for such crime is community service in form of mandatory visit to designer outlet store.

-“Fashion police” task force must establish in every county a CCMDT (committee of civilian men with decent taste) committee. Members of committee will be picked randomly from visitors of porn websites. “Fashion police” must also establish a list of high-quality porn websites, on which the pick will be executed. Members of CCMDT will then decide whether applicant is worthy of being allowed to become a redhead. The applicant must present herself fully clothed and is forbidden to use any charm that doesn’t belong in her daily behaviour.  Committee will also subject the applicant to conversation in the best intention of examining her mental capacity. We ain’t wanting no dumb redheads, right?

-In case of CCMDT committee failing to complete the given task, its faulty members’ man cards will be revoked. In extreme cases they will be banned out of all porn sites and their access to sex shops and porn movie rentals will be restricted. This will prevent freaks getting out of hand.

-Redheads will be prevented from acting in explicit sexual scenes and their naked photos or footages will be illegal to publish.

- N-FAGis (Nice forever alone girls) will be specially permitted to dye their hair with one week dyes only and not more than once a year in intention of pairing them with N-FAGus (nice forever alone guys). The characteristics of nice are determined by reliability, willingness to help others, good intentions and nice smile. N-FAGis who are currently friendzoning someone will not be permitted to dye their hair at all, unless the man who they are friendzoning is a freak or morbidly obese. If he is fulfilling at least 2 of those conditions (friendzone, freak, morbidly obese) he will be punished in way analogical to that in which CCMDT committee members are punished upon failing.

-Men will not be allowed to dye their hair at all, unless they fulfill any of these special terms: gay, punker with Mohawk, a hair-dying bet that was made when drunk. If a hair-dying bet was made when sober, man’s man card will be revoked.