Down in the dumps.

Sometimes I wonder.
Is it all really worth it?
All the things I do. I have to do.
All the shit that happens to me.
Wouldn't it be better to just live a simple life and be happy somewhere out of frentic city life.
Mucking horse dung in a little farm somewhere on the end of the world is instantly a pretty happy image.
It is peaceful.
That's just what I'd need.

It seems I won't have good enough score in school evaluation to apply for an exchange trip.
Something I've been looking forward to, hoping for, the last 4 years.
And now the beautiful dream just fades away.
All the effort was good for nothing.

And doing some work that proves to be completely meaningless in the end is perhaps a thing that buggers me most in the white wild wide world.
All the blood and tears.
For what?

It also seems that my autistic friend will get kicked out of school.
He is a genius, but he never knew how to behaved.
Although he always tried to do it right.
I've always felt sorry for him.
Now he must have a fucked up life.
The school is all he got. He got bullied on a previous school, now he found a place where at least part of people respect him. Have enough wits to know he doesn't MEAN to do stupid shit to people.
Is he going to lose it all?

Heartless bitches.
No matter how hard you try, no matter what you try to do,
Some dickhead always fucks you in the ass.

The All's going down the shitter.

I seriously need to get pissed.
But I don't even fucking have money for that.
Seriously, there's -1 dollar on my account.

Broke as shit.
For the first time in my life, failing what I hoped to achieve.
Seeing desperation around me.
Knowing if I won't start working now I'll have lots of damn problems.
But do I even care?

This all is slowly killing me.
And maybe not even so slowly.