When I woke up today I said I'm going to make somebody love me.

Note: I may eventually have to delete this post sometime. Depends on course certain things close to my heart will take in the (near) future.
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Sometimes the inspiration strucks me. But I always forget it, before I get to write it, so now I decided to smite the iron whilst it's hot.


Quite a long time ago I got into this stupid bet with my friend.
If he invited out a cute girl he liked (and still does, obviously),
then I had to invite out a cute girl I liked (do I still do?).

Now this friend of mine is dating the girl. They are a really nice and lovely couple by the way.
He was always little introvert, but a good guy.
And she's a good girl. I mean, good to people.

But it puts things for me in a rather harsh perspective.
I don't see any solution.
I am so shy.
Only when I get drunk I become suddenly a real gentleman.
But I always get refused.
Wait, one time I didn't. But I found out that girl was doing it just for the bet. And it wasn't even a bet for honor like this one, but a bet for money. And I kind of hate her for that.

Relation bets are fucked up stupid thing.
How could I have ever gotten in one?
It's a long time since I made this bet - I believe I was 14, barely 15 maybe.
But just what the fuck? Why for god's sake?

Hating someone for doing the same thing I now have to do.
It's a very depressive feeling.
I know it uncomfortably well.

Anyway, now I have to invite some girl out. Luckily that friend of mine said it doesn't have to be the girl mentioned in bet, but anyone I like. I haven't seen that girl in quite a long time.
But this would be a great opportunity to just get my shy ass to actually doing something I might be very happy that I did later. But it isn't. Because all the girls I like are quite shallow-hearted.
I really do seem to have a terrible likings in girls. There are just girls I feel like I would do anything for, till I realize all they would do to me if they had a way would be exploiting. Sometimes actually IS exploiting. And I'm a nice guy. I don't mind things that don't hurt me and make others feel better.
But I just cannot withstand girls that just punch you with a ping-pong bat if you witness your love to them. And that was far less metaphorical than it did sound.

(I feel bad for talking about girls quite like they were a livestock in this article. I find it very demeaning. But I couldn't find any other name of expressing myself without actually giving out the names. As I've said dozen times before - I hate american commerciolization of love. And I feel a little bit like a doer of this now)