Tuesday, December 20, 2011

And I'm beating myself up.

Today told me much.

We had a sort of Christmas celebration in school.
Giving out presents.

I gave 8 gifts.
I got one.

And you know what?
That's exactly how I imagine myself,
how I want to be.

Though I feel very much like a loser now.
Even in humblest of my ways to look at myself,
I know I deserve more.

After this event,
notably disillusioned,
I went to give English class to a little kid.
And he gave me a present.
That truly blew me away.

I get a good pay for those classes.
And they are such a nice people.

But even though by saying this I hurt myself, I have to ask:
Would they be still such nice if it was I, who needed something from them, not the other way around?


If I was asked this question, I would have answered sure, they would.
But I am a naive good guy.
And most of relationships between people are far gloomier in the real world, than they are in my head.

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