Energy flow

As I’ve already said a couple of times, I don’t like imperfect over-simplification.

But for now, let’s think about this equation:

Energy = happiness

Again, as it’s always with me, being contented with your life and being happy does NOT equal.  By happy, I really mean more of a cheerful.

I admire energetic people.

I am giving my hundred, yet I see people who just smile all the time, handling as much of a workload, seemingly with ease.

I don’t hate myself for that. It’s not that I’d be worse than those people. I am just different. I have different wants and needs.

But right now, I feel like shit.

Didn’t have decent sleep recently.

Not going to have one today either.

Though I must say I cause this, I just don’t go to sleep.

If I take it as a higher force, not my conscious not-wanting to go to sleep, I just ask why?
Why do I do this to myself all the time, knowing I’ll regret?

Imagine a lake and a sea.

The sea is energy we use.

The lake is energy from sleeping.

The water from lake slowly streams to the sea.

You need rain (sleep) to keep the same level of water in the lake all the time.

Though there’s still water in the lake you can use, even though it doesn’t rain.

But then, you can either use the water up and then you’re fucked, or a miracle in form of great rain can came.

And I feel like the lake’s almost empty and water all run out, with no chance to a rainy day anytime soon.